When you think of relationship goals what comes to mind? Is it Michelle and Barack Obama? Or Dre and Bow from Black-ish? Or is it some other cute couple that is maybe your gym or finance goals? Why is it that relationship goals are automatically celebrity couples rather than yourself, your friends or family? Well the answer may be that you need better goals for your life, and those around you so that you can become the relationship goals you aspire to have.
As a collective, when thinking of relationship goals, most millenials automatically think of a couple that is cute or achieving things that you wish you could achieve. Coming into 2018 I want to open your mind to think on the past, not the cute couple you wish you could be, but rather think more on how to improve yourself and the people you have in your circle.
Have you ever thought about why the people in your circle are there? In the time you have known them, how have they made your life more productive, positive or overall better? If your answer is no, as in they have not positively contributed to your growth then ask yourself, why are they still around? Now is the perfect time to evaluate their purpose in your life and if they are worth continuing a relationship with.
Here are a few things to think of while evaluating the people in your circle…
Are they positive? All of us go through periods in our lives where we are having doubts about things like, hating your job, struggling with home life, depression etc. In that time is the person you are dating or the people in your circle there assisting you with overcoming that present hurdle? When you call them do they respond, or ignore you? If they do respond, are they sincerely trying to give you advice or giving you a brief useless answer. In that time, the people you want to have around are the ones that uplift, motivate and keep pushing you to succeed. They are present to your current situation and care enough to help you through it.
Are they making your life a living hell? I know from personal experience that I used to put up with plenty of people that brought nothing but negativity, unnecessary drama and contributed to my personal depression at the time. If you are becoming depressed due to the people around you, stressing more about their problem than they are, or are giving more to them than they are to you spiritually, mentally, verbally or physically… DROP THEM! Drop them like a bad habit! People that stress you out over trivial things are not your friends! Everybody’s problems are not yours to take on, and other people are not your projects to try and fix! The longer you allow them to be in your life, the longer they have to put a hold on you and your growth.
Now I know, I know some of these are obvious. But for people that are givers, this is a hard concept to follow through with. You tell yourself that maybe they’ll change the more they are around you, or maybe you can help them and they will return the favor in the future. You see potential in the person so you don’t want to let them go. I am here to tell you now is the time to leave them alone and find people that will contribute to you as much as you do to them. A person will not change, grow, be a good friend, or spouse, unless they want to be. If anything, having people that are just takers around will start to weigh more on you with their negativity than you will weigh on them with your positivity. You may be more hardened, less open to people, more of a “Debby downer”, and rather than the life of the party like you used to be you are now more secluded. If you notice changes in yourself that are not positive, consider if it is due to the people that are around you.
Who are you linking yourself to in 2018? Are the people in your squad helping or hurting you? Also, consider if you are the negative person in your friend’s lives. Do people want you around less and less? When you say things to your friends are the words coming out of your mouth uplifting or tearing them down? Don’t be quick to point the finger! Check yourself and see if you are the one that needs to be reevaluated or those you hold close.
Okay, enough about the negative relationships, let’s talk about the positives. Let’s talk about ways to set relationship goals for yourself and the people you choose to keep around! This is the year to become your own relationship goals!
Money Goals: If you want to get your money up, talk to your friends and see if they wouldn’t mind getting theirs up with you. Set monthly goals of how much of your paycheck you want to save, and hold each other accountable.
Body Goals: If you know you’ve been trying to feel better, look better, and eat healthier do it with your bestie, your boo, or squad! It sucks when you’re feeling like you’re in it alone. Instead go to twerk classes together, eat less meat and add more green or soy based foods to your daily intake. Start reading more motivational books, or listen to positive podcasts that will elevate your mind and way of thinking.
Travel Goals: Look up how much a trip to a place you’ve always dreamed of going and save money as a collective to go. Want to go to Afro Tech, AfroPunk Fest, or Coachella, save for it! Get your money up with your friends and put it in an shared account, it’ll help you hold each other accountable! Motivate each other to pay more attention to how you are truly using your money, help each other make wiser decisions.
This year, make sure that you are going into your new or current relationships with positivity but be aware of what you and others are doing to fuel it. Be your own relationship goals, and cut off people that aren’t bringing anything to the table. Take the time in 2018 to change the meaning of relationship goals in your life and those around you!